It’s that time again. The time when liberals salivate over watching Republicans try to destroy each other in yet another Republican primary debate. This time, the ten on stage will be: Donald Trump, Dr. Ben Carson, Jeb Bush, Carly Fiorina, Sen. Ted Cruz, Sen. Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, Sen. Rand Paul, Gov. John Kasich, and Gov. Scott Walker, and Gov. Chris Christie. This is arguably the most diverse and deepest bench of Republican candidates in quite some time.
The debate moderators are Dana Bash of Mark Udall infamy, Jake Tapper, and radio host Hugh Hewitt.
And, here are your instructions PeakNation™. We encourage full participation, but let’s not get crazy, most of us have to get up for work in the morning.
Drink every time:
- Trump insults anyone
- A moderator tries to work in Ahmed Mohamed (the kid who brought a clock to school and administrators thought he was building a bomb) into the debate as a commentary on the state of racism in our country
- Fiorina takes Trump to task for his treatment of women
- Walker mentions unions
- Any candidate brings up the Animas River spill as proof positive that government oversight doesn’t work; Chug entire beer if you have proactively purchased the Durango Bootleggers Society’s Heavy Metal EPA beer in commemoration of the Animas spill
- Bush speaks Spanish
- Fiorina walks up to Trump and punches him in the face (elect that face!)
- Bush wants to visually punch Trump in the face (he’s too “low energy” or civilized to actually do it)
- Dr. Carson mentions that he’s a doctor or neurosurgeon
- Moderators try to get Republicans to admit that climate change is really a byproduct from the planet Xenu or something like that – you know, the stuff that doesn’t matter to Republican primary voters at all
- The audience boos when Common Core is brought up
- Trump specifically calls someone a loser or encourages America to Make America Great Again
- Trump or Huckabee (strange bedfellows there) mentions the Bible
- Planned Parenthood is mentioned by anyone – take two sips if its mentioned in the context of government shutdown
And, finally, drink for embattled Democratic U.S. Senator Michael Bennet anytime the Iran deal is mentioned because Lord knows he could use a drink after the shellacking he’s received the past two weeks for putting our (only) ally in the Middle East, Israel, in harm’s way through the lame deal with Iran.
We know we’ve given you a tall order, PeakNation™. And, it is a school night. If you can’t swing tonight’s debate, worry not. There are still another approximately 500 debates remaining.