Time to hit the panic button Colorado Lefties, your beloved liberal-leaning Public Policy Polling just released a new poll that has both the Colorado Gubernatorial and Senatorial races as statistically tied. At an identical 44%-43% Gov. John Hickenlooper and Sen. Mark Udall are tied with their opponents, former Rep. Bob Beauprez and Rep. Cory Gardner, respectively.
Those week-old daydreams of Pina coladas, and warm breezes, and Marist Polls are completely vanquished now. Welcome to the days of pain and agony, where you wake up each morning to once again attempt the Sisyphean task of trying to convince middle-of-the-road Colorado electorate your candidates didn’t go off on a drunken, liberal binge their entire past terms.
For those of you specializing in the Hick race, please resist the urge and not punch yourself in the face as Hickenlooper goes off-script yet again to try and explain— unsuccessfully— how he doesn’t want to be the next Michael Bloomberg, who condescendingly tells all Coloradans he knows how they can better live their lives than they do themselves (“You guys should really start with some roads, roads make life a lot easier”). Please put the sharp objects down as Hickenlooper carelessly tosses you under the bus yet again just so he feels the audience he is talking to at that time loves him just a bit more. Because, maybe, just maybe, tonight will finally be the night Hickenlooper decides to set the beer down and actually focus on winning a race.
Who are we kidding? All his most trusted advisers saw the writing on the wall long ago, and have their exit strategies already planned out.
As for you Udallians (Udallites?)… HA! Your boss voted 99% of the time with a President who is getting just a 39% approval rating by Coloradans in a liberal poll. Tack on the fact that his legislative record is radioactively toxic (like, seriously, put on a hazmat suit before you go anywhere near it), and that he’d be unable to stake out a moderate Colorado position even if it smacked the hiking boots off of him, he’s pretty much dead man walking at this point. All we can say is: enjoy the nice weather and be sure to tell all your liberal friends we’re all bat-shit crazy out here once you flee back to your liberal enclaves on either coast when this race is over.
As for us Coloradans who are here because there’s no other place we’d rather be, things are looking up. On the generic ballot test Republicans are +7. We lead by no less than eight points on all the other state-wide, down-ticket races (35-27, Wayne Williams over Joe Neguse; 43-33 Walker Stapleton over Betsy Markey; 38-29, Cynthia Coffman over Don Quick). Perhaps it’s time for Pols to update its “Big Line,” or, at least put its money where its mouth is and actual take bets on their ridiculous odds. We could use a new massage chair to relax in after the Democratic beat down that is coming this November. These next few months should be fun.