Now, that the 2014 elections are officially over (wait…Adams County, you good? You sure?), we’re ready to crown our winners and losers of the 2014 campaign season.  Of course, those who won elections are winners and those who lost, well, better luck next time.  But, these are some ideas and public figures who were slaughtered this election cycle.

In honor of yesterday’s gobble gobble goodness, here’s the 2014 Peak’s Turkeys of the 2014 Election (and, ain’t no pardons to be found here today):

1. (soon to be) Former Senator Mark Udall’s campaign team:  How do you take a Colorado politician who seems to be chiseled from the many granite peaks he has summited and only allow him to talk about lady parts? Sen. Michael Bennet needed to exploit the “War on Women” tactic to distract from his non-Coloradoness; Udall should have been demanding to debate from mountain tops. When you have Tebow, you run the ball, but when you have Manning, you throw the ball. Udall’s handlers forgot that simple lesson.
2. Joe Salazar:  In the end, he might not have lost, but any incumbent running in as safe a district as he was should be embarrassed by such an atrocious campaign.
3. Andrew Romanoff: Is Andrew Romanoff the Ryan Leaf of #copolitics? The fact that comparison can even be remotely considered is all you need to know about how Romanoff’s year went.  Not only did he lose this election, but it’s possible he’s losing at life as well.
4. Anybody who supported Don Quick:  How many people who knocked on doors, made phone calls, or listened to a rally speech by Quick in the final days of his campaign feel like utter fools now? How about those who donated money to his campaign? Even before the results came in on Election Night, Quick was already looking for another job. That would be like the captain of the Titanic abandoning ship even before it struck the iceberg. Looks Quick left his supporters shivering in the cold.
5. Democrats’ War on Women Message and its Propagandist in Chief, Laura Chapin: How excessive was Udall’s campaign “war on women” pander? So much so, that Lynn Bartels dubbed our fair Senator “Mark Uterus”, to the giggling of an entire chattering class. In fact, Team Udall might have killed the messaging for any future Democrat to use. And, we hope so, as ridiculous as it is. When Michael Bennet won on the back of the same tactic in 2010, many Democrats must have thought they found the golden goose that wouldn’t stop laying election wins for them. Yet, the Udall campaign pushed it so hard, the backlash from women on the tactic probably lost Udall more net votes than if he had never brought it up in the first place. We give thanks for the Udall campaign poisoning this particularly absurd water well.
6. Tom Steyer and his merry band of environmentalists: Tom Steyer promised hundreds of millions of dollars to benefit candidates who would haplessly sign on to his radical agenda. He couldn’t raise the funds, his message was so off-key that outside groups dumped the environmental mantra in favor of…lady parts, and his candidates lost. It was as bad of a year for Steyer as it was for Udall.
7. State House Republicans: Without gerrymandering, Republicans would have taken control of the State House. While state Republican candidates received 55% of the state vote, they are still in the minority.  It’s not their fault, but they are on the tail end of this salamander, unfortunately.

Stay tuned for our Gravy Special in which we name our winners.