It’s that time of the year PeakNation™ where we here at the Peak try to make up in one solid day all the naughtiness we sprinkle throughout the rest of the year in hopes Santa will bring us that Republican majority we’re asking for (we’ll also settle for the impossible-to-find PS4).
While giving coal is what we do for all the naughty Democrats out there the other 364 days of the year, in a blatant, naked attempt to curry Kris Kringle’s favor the night before he dishes out the loot, we’ve spent the past six minutes thinking of the perfect Christmas gifts for those nearest and dearest to our hearts taxes. So, here we go:
We know Governor Hickenlooper has had a tough time leading and making decisions this year, so we thought we would take it off his hands and give him a Magic 8-ball. “Will Coloradans grow to like my gun laws?” Very Doubtful “Will it be a tough year for me?” You may rely on it “Will I get reelected?” Better not tell you now
It’s been an especially tough year for former Senator Angela Giron who lost her job this year, but we hear she is especially fond of Denver so we got her 5280 Best of Denver restaurants issue. We know Hickenlooper consultant Max Potter would be grateful for our purchase. Ang, “Go Denver” to your heart’s delight.
Speaking of Potter. We hear that he’s awfully concerned about ham sandwiches, so, to put his mind to ease, we got him a gift card to Snarf’s. As an added bonus, it came with a side of gun rights.
NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has been having a tough year understanding Coloradans, so we sent him some old John Denver CDs and a Colorado history book. We thought he especially would be interested in all the gun-slingers who have lived here, so we dog-eared those pages for him. continue…