Amid crushing unemployment, a debilitating debt crisis, and a national psyche wounded by a decade of war and two decades of ruthless Washington partisanship, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar is just sure that Barack Obama will win re-election in the critical swing state that is Colorado.

How will Mr. Obama pull off this great political feat, you Ax?  

Why through the gusher of goodwill and electoral support that always accompanies rural broadband investment directed by the President of the United States…of course.  

From The Denver Post’s article entitled “Salazar expects Obama to win Colorado in 2012.” His reason?

“If you look at broadband, we’ve made largest investment in it over the last 10 years,” said Salazar, who represented Colorado in the U.S. Senate from 2005 until 2009. “The goal there is to have broadband readily available even if you’re in a small community of two or three hundred. That has a huge impact on the eastern plains.”

There you have it folks. Barack Obama, the most controversial President in Hemispheric history (excluding those who have gone by the name Generalissimo), is poised to win a sweep of the Centennial States' electoral college because the President brought the Internet(s) to Sterling.

The stupidity (read that naked, uncaged, steroid-juiced idiocy) displayed by Ken Salazar in this single quote leads to this bit of idle speculation from we at the Peak:

If the 9News weekend weather reporter were to ingest Jell-O shots of abandoned mine water, and if the same Weather Boy were to timely chase those gulps of liquid mining waste with pint sized swills of whiskey and crack cocaine, it is still our considered opinion that the "thumps" and "kooohs" uttered by said Weather Man would have more intellectual weight than the ridiculous, dumbass utterances that befell the Interior Secretary yesterday.  

Holy cow Kenny, you just don't get it.  

Humor aside, Salazar should relish the fact that the White House sent him to Denver on rush notice to try to cover for Governor Hickenlooper's fit of candor about President Obama's perfectly dreary re-election chances in Colorado. But the White House would probably do just as well to keep what Zach Galifianakis would refer to as Kenny the Ruh-Tard in Washington until this whole election thing passes. Because trust us, he isn't helping you at all Mr. President.