Gov. Polis’s guide to how restaurants may reopen is clear as mud leaving lots of room to just piss off customers, confuse servers, and likely keep customers away in droves.

It’s reminiscent of the post 9/11 days and creation of the TSA, which  spent more time hassling little old ladies and confiscating knitting needles as opposed to frisking anyone who might remotely seem like a Middle Eastern terrorist.

Of all the bureaucratic rules, this is one of our favorites:

Request facial coverings are worn by customers when not eating or drinking i.e., walking past other tables to get to the delivery. Consider refusing service to customers who refuse to adhere to hygiene and social distancing guidelines(restrictions based off of denial of service guidelines for alcohol).

Does that mean restaurants will be calling the cops to remove drunk maskless old ladies who forget to put their face coverings on to go to the bathroom?

If only we still had straws to insert under the mask so we didn’t have to take it on and off every time we sip a drink.