Gov. Polis put on his sternest daddy face and counted down from five, all the way to two-and-a-half, before grounding Coloradans for the mysterious spike in COVID cases that seems to have coincided with the impromptu Democrat street parties following the election.

Polis announced at a press conference Tuesday that two-and-a-half is the new one, and purple is the new red in the color wheel of COVID restrictions.

So while 15 counties are going to level red, which means severe risk, Polis has added a new threat level of purple that means extreme risk.

What’s the difference between “severe” and “extreme?” 

We consulted our super secret source Mr. Thesaurus, who revealed it means the same thing, only different:


Beginning Friday, counties going to level red include Adams, Arapahoe, Boulder, Broomfield, Clear Creek, Denver, Douglas, Jefferson, La Plata, Logan, Mesa, Morgan, Routt Summit and Washington Counties.

Red level means everyone has to stay at home, whereas purple level means Polis will order everyone to stay at home.

Level red suggests pre-school to 5th grade classes continue, but all other grades should move to remote or hybrid systems. 

If we go up to purple level, the school restrictions actually ease back down to orange and yellow levels, which is just bizarre. 

Other significant differences, indoor dining is closed for restaurants when affected counties move to level red. Restaurants don’t have to shut down completely until level purple.

Also, last call for alcohol is now 8 p.m. 

Here’s the new COVID color level wheel, see the changes for yourself, we’ve got to wrap this up before last call.