The Denver mayoral Cage Fight hosted by 9News Tuesday proved our long-held belief that civilization would stand a better chance without the media continuously stirring up fights to divide us.
Moderators including Kyle Clark fired off accusatory questions about legit issues and obnoxious petty playground taunts until the other candidates smelled blood in the water and went into Shark Week fest feeding frenzies tearing each other to shreds.
It was Jerry Springer style political debating without the paternity test to determine who was lying.
By the end of the show, the audience was left to ponder which candidate they hated the least.
Hands down, the most unliked candidate of the night by moderators and fellow candidates was Trinidad Rodriguez, whom they proclaimed as the fascist most likely to house the homeless in internment camps down by the river.
Moderators’ Pet Award went to Lisa Calderón whose only question was: How will you spend money wisely? She also skated with the prize for only softball question and was granted attack dog status to interrupt and condemn her opponents at will.
Leslie Herod was asked why her employees hate her so much.
Thomas Wolf was asked how many Denver employees he would fire.
Andy Rougeot was smacked repeatedly for questioning the use of taxpayer dollars to fund political campaigns.
Chris Hansen was accused of being racist, again, and prohibited from submitting his multi-racial family as an exhibit in his own defense.
Mike Johnston was called out as a liar for claiming he could end homelessness.
Kelly Brough was called out for not ending homelessness when she worked for then Mayor Hickenlooper, and for opposing paid family leave.
Debbie Ortega, who headed the commission on homelessness decades ago without solving the problem, set us all up for disappointment by claiming homelessness is now even harder to solve because there are so many more homeless people.
Moderators demanded Terrance Roberts explain what was wrong with Tough Sheds as the solution for homelessness.
And Al Gardner, he sat there for nearly an hour unnoticed before moderators finally turned on him and demanded why he once answered, “I don’t know,” to a question on the topic of homelessness.
For the answers on these and other obnoxious moments from the debate click here to lose two hours of your life you will never get back.