It’s debate night, and serious times call for serious drinking games!

Aug 23, 2023

In keeping with the sober mood of the nation, Peak will forgo the traditional debate night drinking party game because it turns out nothing is funny about the state of our nation.

These are serious issues that mostly serious people must address tonight, like what would you say to Trump if he had the balls to show up?

Or, do you think the Justice Department is being weaponized against Trump?

And, would you pardon Trump if he is convicted of a federal crime?

We think it would be awesome it Trump suddenly came crashing onto the set like the Kool-Aid Man and rolled Chris Christie right off the stage like a giant beach ball just as he’s about to hurl his first insult of the night.

And then we’d drink each time someone said Trump and be totally sloshed before the first commercial break.

Because serious times call for serious drinking.

And seriously, no one watches these debates sober, and stays awake.

Without Trump there to bust everyone’s balls, we fear we’ll fall asleep before opening statements are done.

Many Republicans can’t stand him, but he’s certain to shake things up. Christie knows he doesn’t stand a chance in Hell of winning, so he’s the only one not afraid to take on Trump.

And let’s face it, Republicans will be watching tonight to see which candidate has the biggest balls to take on the swamp in Washington, D.C.

Because Republicans will say they’re for Trump, because they’re flabbergasted by the Grand Jury witch-hunts, but we’re all still shopping for a candidate to vote for president.

Here’s what to look for tonight, and words to drink by responsibly, for those inclined:

DeSantis: It would be really great if he could show some passion, a spark, some snark even, just cut the monotone and let your personality come out to play. We already know what you stand for, show us you’re a tough guy. Drink every time he says “woke.”

Pence: He means well. And he’s mostly running to wash the Trump years off his resume. Drink every time he says “January 6.”

Scott: He’s got a great story, and he’s the guy everyone wants for their VP. We love to hear him preach and he comes off as the sincerest of the bunch. He’s a Christian man, so let’s be respectful and only drink when he mentions his mother.

Haley: She’s mostly running to wash the Trump years off her resume. Drink every time she plays the victim card, bless her heart.

Ramaswamy: Watch for this guy to bust a move and shoot up in the polls overnight. His talking points of late have been bursting with juicy red meat for the Republican masses that already has our taste buds salivating in anticipation. The media will lose their minds and shift focus from hating on DeSantis, to this guy. Drink every time he smiles.

Christie: Politics is a blood sport and Christie’s just here to keep his teeth sharp. Drink every time he lands a punch.

Hutchinson: He’s 72 and has nothing better to do with his time. Sure, he’s the governor of Arkansas, but … drink to his health and call it a night.

Burgum: Who?

Here’s everyone’s popularity ratings from Five Thirty Eight before the debate.

Tune in tomorrow to see what America thinks when she rolls over in the morning and sees what’s on her pillow.

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