Richard Simmons troll doll anyone?

It’s that time of the year PeakNation™ when liberal Governor John Hickenlooper word-vomits over us all delivers his State of the State.  Unfortunately, being at 11 a.m., even our stout livers advise against making it a drinking game; so instead bust out the candy corn, grab your lucky Troll doll™, it’s time for State of the State Bingo.

Now print off this 5×5 Bingo card (we didn’t make you a board, draw your own board), and fill in your card with the phrases below.  Remember, if your card results in a blackout bingo, we all lose, since that means Hickenlooper said nothing of substance.

The free space in the middle should be brought to you by Wynkoop Brewery Company™ because haven’t you heard yet(?!) Hickenlooper used to be an owner of a brewpub, and isn’t that just the coolest thing?  We mean, the guy made beer for a living and now he’s like the Governor of the State and we like think like that’s so cool because it’s like having your like your bartender as your Governor now.  Obama should totally start his own head shop!  Totes see you later BFF!

And the list:

  • Mentions Broncos
  • Call for Bipartisanship
  • “Beat San Diego”
  • “Tough Year”
  • Don’t revisit the past
  • Move on
  • entrepreneur
  • “Unlike DC”
  • “Sustainable”
  • “Moving in right direction”
  • Rainy Day Fund Bigger
  • Surplus
  • Growing jobs
  • [Insert Business] moved into Colorado
  • Biblical floods
  • Mentions Peyton specifically
  • “#18”
  • “Make government work”
  • Getting rid of redtape/regulations
  • “Many times over”
  • “More efficiently/effectively”
  • Partnered with __________
  • “Fostering Education”
  • Brewer
  • Beer
  • “bipartisan legislation passed last year”
  • “joined today by _________”
  • “_________ is a native of”
  • Bueller (that’s for you, Lynn)
  • Progress
  • rural Colorado

Now if you have a fear of winning, just insert a few of these phrases:

  • “I take full responsibility for”
  • “I stand by and I’m proud of the gun laws we passed”
  • “I will run on the progressive agenda we passed last session”
  • “I’ve made up my mind on Nathan Dunlap”
  • “I fully supported Amendment 66 and it’s billion dollar tax hike”
  • “Go Chargers”