PeakNation™ we went around the office and took a vote. In a unanimous decision, we all agreed the State of the Union was better than the State of the State. Why? One word: Drinking.
So, put your bingo board away, and bust out your partisan-approved beverage because we’ve got your official Colorado Peak Politics SOTU Drinking game! Here are the rules:
- Let us be clear, whenever Obama says “Let me be clear”, you take the tiniest of sips because (let us be clear) he’ll say it a damn lot, and it is a school night, afterall.
- “Some might/will say…” Some might say DRINK! because O likes to bust this one out when he’s about to create a straw-man he’s about to light on fire.
- “Pen” – drink.
- “Phone” – drink.
- Pen and phone – Finish half of your drink because our President has decided to become a dictator, but remember he’s only a moderate dictator, and it’s for our own good.
- “Change isn’t easy” Everyone at your SOTU party (everyone has one of these right? It’s just not us…?) has to pull out a coin, last one to do so has to finish their drink.
- “Make no mistake” Everyone has to go around and name famous historical mistakes, and if you can’t, you drink. And, we swear, there will be consequences if anyone dares to take the Hindenburg, that one is always ours!
- “Won’t/Wouldn’t happen overnight” Finish your drink and call dibs on a sleeping spot, as in, you’re now staying overnight.
- “Economy… strong/stronger/strongest” Pour a little bit of your drink out for all those missing people who no longer count as unemployed because they’ve gone missing from the labor force.
- “Minimum wage” Take a sip of cheap beer rather than a sip of champagne, because when that minimum wage goes up we’ll all be moving up in the world… except, um, for those who got fired because their employer couldn’t afford to keep them on.
- “Left behind” Last one to put their left hand on their a$$ has to take a shot.
- “Inequality” Either A) person with lowest income screws everyone else and dictates what shots they have to take; or, B) person with lowest income gets to take anyone else’s drink.
- “Stock market is up” Last one to stand up drinks.
- “Middle class” Drink! and belt out your favorite Bruce Springsteen line “OOOHHHH, we’re halfway there, OOOO-OOHHHH living on a prayer!!!!” “Dude, that’s Bon Jovi. Go home.”
- “My good friend Senator Udall” All Republicans finish your drink in celebration, all Democrats finish your drink in mourning.
- “…and God bless the United States of America.” Find the Advil™, find the water. You have to work in the morning.
Thank you, PeakNation™, for playing our game. Our SOTU party wouldn’t be the same without you.