“I’m really good at writing these letters”
PeakNation™, we have a special treat for you today. Last week, a mysterious person stopped by our offices and dropped off an envelope. We were shocked to open it and see we had just been handed the next policy and political push Sen. Mark Udall is going to execute to help boast his reelection campaign. It starts with a letter which we have excerpted here:
The Sun Acting Star of our Solar System Center of our Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy, Universe 10101
June 28th, 2014
Dear The Honorable Sun:
As you well know I am for a “best-of-the-above” energy strategy. Last year, thanks to you, millions of Coloradans, and many more across the country were able to meet their energy needs. Not only through direct means such as solar energy, but also indirectly, through the plants you helped grow millions of years ago that feed animals who would later turn into oil, which I would like to see stay in the ground forever…
…without your great contributions to us out west, we could not do what we really love, like hike mountains, visit new friends in San Francisco, hike mountains, hike mountains, and think about hiking mountains…
…Now, I know my opponent, Rep. Cory Gardner (and, I want you to hear this directly from me because it’s important) is anti-sun, and has a history of actions that demonstrate it: at the beach he’ll put up an umbrella to deny you your right to shine wherever you want; once, he publically lamented about the heat you generate because it caused his little daughter’s ice cream to melt and fall off her cone; he’s been to known to openly admire sunsets (I, on the other hand, would never do such a thing. In fact, I cry at sunsets because I hate to see you go). He’s clearly a man that you and other stars can’t trust…
…After careful research and consideration by my office and I, we believe it is only prudent that you pursue the action of continuing to rise, not only tomorrow, but the day after that as well.
Warm Regards,
Mark Udall
PS- Thinking about hiking a mountain tomorrow, care to join?
Following this opening letter, the strategy calls for Udall to issue this press release the next day:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Mark Udall, who serves on the U.S. Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee, welcomed the decision by the Sun to rise again today. Udall has been pushing and urging the Sun to do so, writing a letter to the Sun recently, and is pleased that the Sun has taken Udall’s advice to heart and decided to come up once more…
…Mark Udall looks forward to continuing his close relationship with the Sun as they continue to fight to provide light to all Coloradans. It looks like Mark Udall’s hard work has paid off for Coloradans once again…
…Coloradans should really consider just making Mark Udall their emperor.
####
Wow, PeakNation™, we really thought Rep. Cory Gardner had a shot at Udall’s seat, but with this latest political twist, it really looks all but hopeless.