“If sent to the Moon, I can defeat the Mouse King”

Sen. Mark Udall and his campaign got their panties in a bunch yesterday after a Colorado Observer interview would dare to call Udall old (which he is, 63), tired (that’s how we’d describe this interview, if not muddled), and dour (you’d be dour too if you thought your birthright was being usurped from you).  Yet, the most bizarre part of the whole episode came at the end of this piece by The Denver Post’s Lynn Bartels: given the chance to really tout what Udall has done for Colorado over the past six years, these were the top three Udall’s campaign spokesman was able to come up with:

“Whether it’s fighting to secure new air tankers to fight wildfires, standing up to the Obama administration over NSA abuses, or climbing one of Colorado’s 14ers, Mark doesn’t stop fighting until he has done what he set out to do,” spokesman Chris Harris said.

You’d write all of that down PeakNation™?
Let us reiterate.  Given the chance to tee-off on a soft ball prompt, Udall’s veteran campaign spokesman said Udall’s greatest hits for being reelected were:

1: Securing new air tankers

2: Udall’s ability to write ineffectual letters on the NSA

3: He climbs mountains

We shit kid you not; those were the best arguments Udall’s campaign has for his reelection.  Just wait; it gets better when we dive into the details on how Udall “secured” those air tankers.  One thing is clear; he certainly is no Steve King.

The rabbit hole:

On May 20th of this year, Udall issued a press release where he sang his own praises of “leading” the fight to secure new air tankers.  His justification for claiming he “led” the fight?  A previous press release from May 13, 2013.  In this press release, he claims he “fought to obtain” next-generation air tankers in 2012, using another press release as evidence of his hard-fought victory.  This is probably the best one as Me-Too Udall claims not only did the President sign the bill into law so quickly because of Udall’s urging, but that it was also Udall’s letter to House Republicans that got them to pass it.  It’s not even his bill!  He’s merely a co-sponsor on it.  And, his all that “hard fought” and “fighting” must have been extremely tiring as this seemingly contentious bill actually came out of the Senate on a unanimous voice vote.  Udall’s not exactly breaking arms here to get things done for Colorado.  LBJ, you are not, Udall.

This wouldn’t be a big deal, except for the fact that Udall’s campaign spokesman lists it as one of Udall’s greatest victories for Colorado.  Talk about a grandiose disillusion.  Colorado could have had a potato representing us then, and this bill would have still come out.  Given enough time and press releases, we truly believe Udall and his office could spin this one incident into his eventual triumphal grappling victory over the mouse-king who lives at the center of our cheese-made moon.

Forget whether Udall is old, tired, or dour; he’s just plain incompetent.