“Hey you kids! Get off my lawn out of my parade!” That’s at least the gist of a small piece of news from the southwest corner of the state, as Rep. Mike McLachlan (D-59th) takes the unorthodox political tactic of yelling at small children at a parade. Is this just his attempt at being avant-garde? Was kissing babies just too passé for him? As a letter to the Pine River Times reads:
I had the misfortune of witnessing 59th district representative Mike McLachlan treat two small kids who were riding dirt bikes in the parade very rude. McLachlan was admonishing the kids by telling them that it was illegal to ride the dirt bikes on the street. He was very condescending as well.
McLachlan then turned to their father (who was on a mountain bike supervising the kids) and began to admonish him with the same condescension.
As luck and coincidence would have it, we were also lucky enough to stumble upon a McLachlan internal campaign memo that laid out his re-election strategy in bullet points:
- Yell at small children
- Punt puppies
- Be sure to call every female voter under the age of 40 I meet as “toots”
- Streak through the quad
- Canvass on Fort Lewis campus, ask students if public education failed them since they now go to a “safety” school
- Fill pockets with grape jelly that way every hand I shake ends up sticky
- Demand RevealingPolitics give me a tracker, because I am that goddam important
- Tout my 99% voting record with Obama
- Make sure all Ft. Lewis students know I think Goonies is overrated
- Move to a new district I’ve never lived in before just to get elected
- Unveil my new campaign slogan, “Durango is nice, but Boulder is better”
- Replace campaign manager with Magic 8-ball (works for Hick!)
- Divorce wife, marry 20-something
- Check that last one… because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Amirite?
- Fundraising idea: Challenge Hick to a drinking contest
- Find more small children to yell at