I hate you, Colorado Peak Politics

I hate you, Colorado Peak Politics

Today, Governor John Hickenlooper gave his State of the State address, so we’re offering our response.  You’re welcome.

Hickenlooper: During the last four years, Colorado’s General Assembly bucked the trend in Washington, as we avoided gridlock by walking the talk of bipartisanship.

Peak Response: As we’ve tweeted several times, the Governor avoided gridlock because Democrats controlled the House, Senate, and Governor’s Mansion.  In avoiding gridlock, Hick and his comrades also ushered in the most liberal, acrimonious, and partisan legislative session in recent history in 2013, even he said so.

Hick: Collaboration has been the not-so secret sauce of our state’s success.

Peak Response: Well, it is NOW that Republicans again have control of the State Senate for the first time in 10 years.  Of course, back in 2013, collaboration was a dirty word.

Hickenlooper: We are also fortunate to have with us, former U.S. Senator and U.S. Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar, who has been one of our greatest public servants, not just for Colorado but for our country.

Peak: Salazar’s presence wasn’t so much fortunate as opportune as rumor has it that Salazar is on the prowl for a new position to run for.

Hick: According to one recent count, five of the top metropolitan areas in the country for tech start-ups are located in Colorado.

Peak: According to one recent count among Hick’s PR team, that is.  If Colorado was such a great place for startups, the venture capital would be flowing here.  As it is, Colorado has consistently missed the mark.  That wouldn’t be because Colorado over-regulates the business environment is it?

Hick: Our challenge is to make sure economic prosperity reaches every household in all 64 counties.

Peak: As long as it benefits either Democratic politicians or Denver, that is. #waronruralco

Hick: But how do we know if we are getting the job done unless we accurately measure individual student growth? … These efforts should not be designed to punish teachers, but rather, to reward and inspire the good ones to become even better.

Peak: So, Hick is saying that he agrees with the measurable goals that school boards, like, maybe Jefferson County are implementing?

Hick: We have asked Ken Gart, our volunteer bike czar, to assist us in launching a Bike Health initiative that will take on a number of large challenges….

Peak: So, Hick has asked the man who belongs to a family (that’s donated generously to his campaign) that owns sporting goods stores to lead a bike initiative and we’re supposed to be grateful? We’re not supposed to think that Hick is rewarding a donor by allowing him to create demand for a product his stores sell?

Hick: We believe that the General Assembly should pass legislation that would provide Coloradans with a fiscal impact statement on the effect of proposed amendments to the State Constitution in order to make the most thoughtful decisions. We will all benefit from that.

Peak: Yes, we agree.  Thanks.  We appreciate it.