Spilled-BeerThe Democratic presidential debate is tonight, which means we probably need to get sloshed just to understand the irrational thinking of the candidates taking the stage in Las Vegas.

In addition to front-runner Hillary Clinton and every liberal’s favorite ragamuffin Bernie Sanders, Democrats will get to watch lessor-known candidates like Jim Webb, Martin O’Malley and Lincoln Chafee stand on the sidelines begging for a question.

Here are the chugging rules, and please remember to participate in the political process responsibly. When the candidates begin talking sense or Bernie’s hair starts to look neat, it’s time to put down the beer, turn off the TV, and go to bed.

And most assuredly, please don’t Democratic debate and drive. Here are the chugging prompts:

  • The debate moderator mentions that Vice President Biden might enter the race.
  • Hillary pledges transparency … Just kidding! When Hillary pledges to cooperate with the congressional investigators.
  • O’Malley challenges Trump to a cage match.
  • Hillary’s laugh prompts your dog to howl at the front door.
  • Lincoln Chafee pledges to protect women’s rights, reveals that he is a women.
  • Calls for an end to divisive language used by Trump, using hate-filled, divisive language.
  • Koch brothers!
  • Responds that “It’s Bush’s fault” for everything the Obama administration did.
  • Breaks into show tunes when asked if Planned Parenthood should be funded.
  • Declares climate change as the greatest threat to mankind since global cooling.

We didn’t include Hillary’s email scandal on purpose. America’s liver can’t take it.

Bottoms up!