Looks like Silverton has cried “uncle” and will be rolling out the all natural, artificial grass welcome mat for the EPA to clean up the mess the feds created at the Gold King Mine.

The Durango Herald reports that local officials don’t want to rush it, but have no choice but to jump on the bandwagon by the end of this month because the federal agency in charge of cleanup emergencies only accepts said emergencies twice a year.

Because, emergency.

Asking ain’t getting though. Local officials can’t just walk up to the EPA and say, “you made the mess, now clean it up,” that requires a higher officeholder — the governor.

Luckily for San Juan County, Gov. Hickenlooper is BFF with EPA Chief Gina McCarthy, endorsing every absurd regulation and rule her agency spits out, and wasn’t beneath taking Colorado’s attorney general all the way to the Supreme Court for daring the challenge the feds.

Now all that’s left is to come up with a name for the new Superfund site.

One of the community’s concerns is what the Superfund site name would be for the area 10 miles north of Silverton, in what is locally known as Gladstone. EPA officials assured residents it would not involve the town’s name, instead leaving it up to Silverton to come up with a name.

When The Durango Herald asked if Silverton Standard & the Miner editor Mark Esper’s suggestion of the name “Durango Superfund Site” was in the mix, (Silverton Town Administrator Bill) Gardner quipped: “I must admit some of our elected officials are supportive of that,” he said, laughing. “But I promise you I won’t let that happen.”

We like the name. We’re keeping it.