squirrelThe situation has escalated quickly between some Boulder County residents and “Squirrel Guy,” whose neighbors didn’t want him feeding squirrels because local children might be allergic to nuts and the critters carry nasty diseases and are undeserving of food.

“Squirrel Guy” will stand trial on attempted murder charges because he shot one neighbor, not in the buttocks, but above the buttocks, according to the prosecutor.

Sheriff’s office Detective Mark Spurgeon testified that Squirrel Guy’s glasses were not knocked off during the scuffle, “but found them lying in the back of his truck in a way that suggested they had been placed there as if by someone preparing for a fight.”

The placement of a pair of glasses always determines our premeditation of tasks at hand. When it’s raining, we place them in a case, when we’re washing them, we place under water, and when we don’t need them, we take them off and put them down as if preparing for a fight.

“Squirrel Guy” says he was passing out flyers explaining why he wanted to feed squirrels when he was confronted by his neighbor and shot him in self-defense. The nut-hating neighbor says he closed in on “Squirrel Guy” to save his dog from being shot, and that he was fired upon as he walked away.

It’s a squirrelly story all right, and we’ll keep you updated on this battle between the politically correct animal lover and politically correct anti-peanut neighbor as politically incorrect developments warrant.