It’s official. Jared Polis is running for governor.

Polis made the announcement at a huge rally of supporters during an interview with the Denver Post, and pledged to wear matching socks, if elected.

Further, he will focus on moving the state to 100 percent renewable energy 20 years after his term ends, provide free, all day preschool for toddlers and kindergarten for kids, and encourage companies to give employees stock options.

Here’s how that will work.


Polis will set the example for us by riding horseback across the state to campaign. No bikes or electric cars, because those are still manufactured by using fossil fuels.

His campaign headquarters will be in a cave, and since he’s not using electricity, we won’t have to put up with all those annoying TV and radio ads.

No pesky phone calls either, because cell phones are made from mining products.

Free preschool and kindergarten will be widely available, because parents will no longer have jobs that require free babysitting. And besides, no one will be able to make a living off of company script stock options anyway.

On the bright side, we won’t have to be embarrassed by his presence in Congress anymore. He’ll step down after his term finishes this year.