How is Jared Polis spending that $18 million he loaned himself to buy the governor’s election?

We did some digging around and here’s what we can decipher.

He’s bought more commercial air time on television than Safelight Repair (Safelight replace this damn jingle stuck in my head). Which is interesting, because we didn’t think millennials even watched cable television.

He’s hired an army of tweeters, plus a gaggle of personal photographers and videographers to carefully package the millionaire as an everyday kind of guy.

Like this Polis, who tucks his jersey into his sweat pants when he plays in carefully staged softball games against no one at all.

And this Polis, who shows that he’s not afraid to get in the kitchen and bake.

Polis also has folks on the payroll whose job it is to follow Walker Stapleton to lunch.

Polis also paid someone handsomely to plagiarize our humor from two posts last month …


Into this ridiculous Facebook post Wednesday.

Seriously, dude? We worked hard for like, 15 seconds to come up with that tired cliché. We demand royalties!

Finally, we don’t know who or how much he paid the political consultant who advised him no one would care if he skipped the Club 20 debate, but we suspect that check bounced.