University of Colorado researchers have come up with the most ridiculous climate change cop-out, literally, we’ve ever seen.
Crime — climate change causes crime, they say.
And all this time we thought thefts were committed by people who needed money for food, or drugs, clothes, or a cheap thrill.
We just presumed murders were committed by people who were angry or psychopaths, or just defending themselves.
Drunk driving? Mother Nature took the wheel.
Nope, scientists say crime increases when it’s warm outside, so more warm days means more crime.
Now when police report crime increases, they also have the excuse to do nothing about it — because climate change.
Way to go science.
Most cops will tell you there is always a crime spike during the first warm days of spring. More people are outside, more opportunities present itself.
It’s a motive-meets-opportunity kind of thing. Plus, there’s the argument that hot tempers in hot temperatures cause crime.
Now researchers say more crime is happening on warm days in the winter, because it’s more comfortable to leave one’s tent or refrigerator box to steal money for food.
Apparently, people who steal for a living only need to make a living when the weather suits them, and shoplifters can only steal from inside stores when it’s warm outside.
We can’t wait for this to hit courtrooms — “not guilty due to reasons of climate change.”
We give this study Four Lame Whatevers.