Jared Polis’s inaugural ball will perfectly symbolize how we expect he will govern our state over the next four years — with arrogance and disrespect, laziness and the foul odor of athletic shoes.
Polis’s ball is not the typical swearing-in event for a governor, or any office holder, for that matter.
It won’t be a somber occasion that honors the office or the man on Jan. 8.
Instead, it will mock.
The Blue Sneaker Inaugural Ball is exactly as it sounds, an inauguration ceremony and reception that calls for cocktail attire and blue sneakers.
Because Dear Leader prefers to wear the same blue sneakers everyday with his pajamas, suits, and tuxedo, and now so should everyone else.
Blue sneakers aren’t nearly as cool as the Mao suit worn by Chinese communists to honor their revolutionary leader infamous for his mass killings.
But, it is befitting of Polis’s socialist nerd movement.
Mara Sheldon, a spokeswoman for the ball, said the theme will “build on Jared’s focus of moving Colorado forward into the future and being a governor for everyone.”
Not everyone can afford expensive sneakers, and not everyone likes to wear sneakers with cocktail attire. This isn’t an “everyone” statement, it’s Polis behaving like a teenager.
We’re sure the men probably won’t mind, but women will have to suffer the indignity of clomping around in that hideous hue of blue clunky footwear in their little black cocktail dresses.
Luckily, it’s not an actual ball so no dancing will be required.