There are consequences to every election. In Colorado, one of the first in the wake of the Democrat romp in November has been a nearly immediate plunge into farce.
The Colorado Independent’s Alex Burness has a report on incoming Democrat lawmakers, who apparently don’t want to be called “freshmen.”
No, seriously – that’s what they’re spending their time debating in the lead up to January’s legislative session:
“We would prefer if we were called ‘first-years’ instead of freshmen,” said Sonya Jaquez Lewis, a Democrat from Longmont, “because then you take the gender piece of out it and it lends a bit more equality to the mix. We’re all representatives, all elected, and if you use the term freshmen it gives a connotation that we’re not all equal.”
The incoming lawmakers who want to be called “first-years” — Democrats who’ll serve in the House, mostly — aren’t planning to take any action to make their preferred term the formal standard at the Capitol. They’re just using the term in their own encounters and hoping it catches on.
It gets better.
Alex Valdez, a Democrat who’ll represent Denver, said of the new terminology:
“I think it’s a function of our wanting to be more inclusive, and in order to do that, our language needs to reflect our inclusive values. We’re going to be leading the charge to make sure the work that we do is inclusive, and not just the language. We’re seeing a lot change in the people that the citizens of Colorado are electing to public office, both in terms of gender and the class of people of color. We want to adapt to reflect that change.”
Colorado has many problems, to be sure. Our roads suck, our cities’ crime rates are rising, and our water storage capacity needs long-term fixing, among many other pressing issues. And all these noobs are talking about is how offensive the word “freshman” is.
What the hell do they think is going to happen? Senator Ray Scott is an imposing dude, but we’re willing to wager that he has no plans to stuff any of these froshies into lockers at the Capitol. We find it unlikely that incoming Speaker of the House, K.C. Becker, is drawing up plans to make these newcomers chug a bottle of Jack Daniels and then make snow angels in their underwear (if “underwear” is another trigger word, we formally apologize).
How do these people tie their own shoes in the morning? You’re in good hands with these millennials writing your laws, Colorado. O’Bannion would not approve.