I hate you, Colorado Peak Politics

This afternoon, before the second night of Democrat presidential debates, Democrat and former Governor John Hickenlooper told Reddit to ask him questions. We were bored with the questions he got, so we made up ten of our own, in no particular order.

  1. When you took your mom to watch Deep Throat, one of our country’s most notorious pieces of porn, what did you actually think of the movie? In today’s terms, on Rotten Tomatoes, do you think that it would have received a certified fresh rating (75% or greater positive reviews), just a fresh rating (60% positive reviews) or a splat (less than 60% positive reviews)?
  2. When you participate in events with fellow Democrats, do you ever look around and think to yourself, “what the hell is wrong with these people?” or, better, “do I really belong here?”
  3. Can you actually find Yemen on the map? (In full disclosure, we cannot. Then again, we are not running for President, so there’s that.)
  4. Fracking. Greatest or second greatest innovation of all time?
  5. You have a cute wife who maintains your lifestyle. Life is good. Why are you going to every Pizza Ranch in Iowa? Is this just an excuse for a binge-drinking road trip with your bros?
  6. Will you drink fracking fluid during tonight’s debate?
  7. Who is your favorite Castro twin? Can you tell them apart?
  8. When the security guard asked whether you were a member of the media, was there a second or two when you considered taking a press pass and telling all your commie fellow Democratic presidential candidates to go f#@& themselves because there’s nothing wrong with being rich (unless you got it from shady deals, looking at you, Bernie)?
  9. Do you still think backroom deals are best?
  10. Did it hurt your heart when Hillary Clinton picked someone else for VP? Did you secretly vote for Trump out of spite? We won’t tell.

And one bonus question for Michael Bennet: You just recovered from prostate cancer, which sounds terrible, by the way. Why are you doing this? Seriously. Between the two of you, you’re still polling less than the Castro brother who is running for president.

Feel free to answer at your leisure, gentlemen.