Hickenlooper’s week: Getting randy at the Capitol, and animal sacrifices

Jul 23, 2021

Spoiler Alert: This article contains satire.

U.S. Sen. John Hickenlooper had an interesting week in Washington, D.C., judging by his Twitter feed.

The Colorado Democrat is very progressive these days, and appears to be greeting one of the city’s notorious “working girls” during her morning walk of shame

Perhaps it was “Take a Ho to Work day” on Capitol Hill?

Later, Hickenlooper appears to be discussing those Washington tricks with former U.S. Sen. Ken Salazar.

Is that Salazar’s “O” face?

Afterwards, Hickenlooper was feeling the religious spirit and wished his Muslim followers a happy sacrificial goat or lamb day.

According to our source, Mr. Google:

Eid al-Adha is the latter of the two official holidays celebrated within Islam. It honors the willingness of Ibrahim to sacrifice his son Ishmael as an act of obedience to God’s command. Before Abraham could sacrifice his son, however, God provided a lamb to sacrifice instead.

Mr. Google also answers the question: “Why do we sacrifice animals on Eid ul Adha?”

Qurbani means sacrifice. Every year during the Islamic month of Dhul Hijjah, Muslims around the world slaughter an animal – a goat, sheep, cow or camel – to reflect the Prophet Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice his son Ismail, for the sake of God.

Hickenlooper’s animal rights supporters are likely to frown about this progressive stance.

Most surprising is Hickenlooper’s off-road adventure into Vax land urging followers to share even more posts on vaccines — as if our feeds haven’t been flooded with more vax news than we can possibly ever use over the past seven months.

Actually, we trust our own doctor more than what friends or famous people are telling us now on social media.

So we would never presume to practice medicine and pretend to know their medical history and needs.

Besides, sharing vaccine stories would only get us censored by Biden administration.

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