Jon Caldara’s latest column in which he virtue signals Gov. Polis and Marlon Reis’s virtue signaling as part of their recent nuptials is an entertaining parade of social fads too stupid to endure. Not the part where the couple is gay, or that Polis is the first gay governor to get married to a gay man, in a Jewish ceremony.  It has nothing to do with all the minority boxes they can check, which is all so early 21st century anyway. No, the vegan couple who advocate for animal rights (when the First Gentleman insists) wore vegan tuxedos to signal their vegan virtue. As Caldara explains, their wedding attire was transformed from glorious wool and silk, into polyester and petroleum. John Waters would be so proud.

A.J. Machete, co-owner of Denver-based Machete & Sons worked with the happy couple to design their fossil fuel-based tuxedos. He crowed to the media how he designed the coats with a high-tech polyester fabric, replacing wool, and featured rayon (petroleum) for the liners and thread (petroleum) in lieu of silk. Additionally, the lapels were made of satin (petroleum).   And of course, none of this high fashion miracle of fracked-petroleum would be possible without electricity and heat created by fossil fuels.   This loving couple doused themselves in oil to virtue signal to the world that to embrace the vegan lifestyle is to embrace fossil fuels!

Congratulations to the happy couple for finally tying the knot, and dousing it with petroleum.