There’s nothing more useless during the holiday season than social media advice memes urging progressive and conservative family members to have a peaceful Thanksgiving dinner.
Especially when conservatives are still pissed about the elections and progressives are even more pissed that conservatives are allowed to roam free in Colorado and speak their mind.
Republicans had best be on top of their game today.
We recommend you come prepared to family dinner with a tasty desert from Costco, and plenty of alibis to prove your whereabouts on certain dates.
You’ll need a doctor’s excuse for an open-heart surgery or something as equally serious for June 24 when the Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade, because you will be blamed.
But don’t let the group thinkers at your Thanksgiving table get the best of you.
Take the high road and tell them about that new electric vehicle you’ve got on backorder with Tesla, and how happy you are now that you’ve saved the climate.
Insist on leading the prayer before eating, and ask God to watch over Biden and his boy Hunter as the Republicans prepare to take over the House and launch investigations into their finances and links to the Chinese communists.
When talk turns to The Election, set boundaries and demand the dining room be your safe space. Call your therapist from the table and pass the phone around.
Enlist the help of a sibling to find a sore spot of an annoying family member and just keep picking at it until they throw something, or cry.
Drink heavily, announce you’re running for mayor of Denver, and feed the dog from the table.
Have a happy Thanksgiving and leave with lots of leftovers, because groceries prices are ridiculous.