Over the past couple of days, there has been buzz about town that Democratic Governor John Hickenlooper could be jockeying for the 2016 Veep slot on the Democratic ticket. In fact, liberal sycophant Tina Brown, editor in chief of The Daily Beast, has called Hick “breezy, loose, and accessible” and suggested that Hick would be a good running mate for Hillary Clinton. Perhaps Brown isn’t so good with names because our governor is kind of socially awkward.
That said, her praise got us thinking. Maybe she’s right. Hick carries a number of the keys to success that current Democratic Vice President Joe Biden espouses. Here are the top ten reasons Hick could be the next Biden. Friday fun!
10) We often wonder if Hick lives in the State of Intoxication, as Biden is rumored to live.
9) Like Obama keeps Biden locked away, we doubt Hillary would let Hick make any important decisions. C’mon, we know who would wear the pants(uit) in that relationship.
8) Both Hick and Biden have a penchant for stepping on major announcements – Hick on the tax increase and Biden on President Obama’s gay marriage reversal.
7) Like Biden’s “big stick” comment, Hick has a tendency to blurt out sexually inappropriate comments about those around him. Remember when Hick said that Lt. Governor Joe Garcia was a “sex star”. Remember that it was to a bunch of elementary students?
6) Both Hick and Biden have mastered the art of the backhanded compliment. Hick has suggested that Hillary should seek a younger running mate to balance her. Biden said that Obama was the first “clean” and “articulate” black presidential candidate back in 2007.
5) Both Biden and Hick have dual personalities – the statesman and the “drunk uncle of politics”. Just never know who will show up when.
3) Both Hick and Biden have come under scrutiny for their bizarre behavior – Hick at his State of the State address and Biden at a 2012 Vice Presidential debate.
2) Bloomberg has both men on speed dial. With a flick of the finger on his smartphone, Bloomberg can magically transform both “moderate” Democrats into gun grabbing zealots.
1) Coloradans are looking for ways to get both Biden and Hick out of our state’s legislative process.
So, you see, PeakNation™, Hickenlooper would play a perfectly impotent Biden to Hillary in 2016.