During Governor (sigh) John Hickenlooper’s victory speech yesterday, watchers were surprised to see Roxane White, Hick’s soon-to-jet chief of staff giving folks chanting “four more years” the double middle finger. On stage. Hick’s chief of writing a book from Provence, Max Potter, explained that obscene gesture to Peter Marcus from the Durango Herald:
“That was her saying, ‘I really love you guys, I’m really going to miss you guys,’” explained Hickenlooper senior media adviser Maximillian Potter.
Ok. Right. In that spirit, we’d like to offer additional suggestions for White as she bids farewell to the Hickenlooper staff to show her love and appreciation:
- Take the last Diet Coke from the fridge – and not replace it
- Steal all the covers – we heard the Governor’s mansion can be drafty
- Tell Potter that his book sucks
- Feed Alan Salazar to sharks at the Denver Aquarium
- Eat Potter’s labeled ham sandwich in the staff fridge
- Pardon Nathan Dunlap. Wait….
- Park juuuuust close enough in the staff lot that she technically only takes up one spot, but really takes two because nobody else realistically can exit their car next to her
- Replace all the gel pens with those crappy Bic hexagonal yellow ones – you can’t even chew on the end of those
- Poop in the hallway (what? it happened at the EPA?)
- Shove Teddy in a race to the playground in Governor’s Park
- Tickle Lt. Governor Joe Garcia until he pees
Relocate all of Helen Thorpe’s clothes to the Governor’s mansion guest bedroom
- Cut all of Hick’s beer tap lines – this could get ugly
Feel free to offer other suggestions, PeakNation™. All we can say is if flipping off her staff is a sign of endearment, then, we would hate to be on her bad side.