ESPN: Vaccine card and government ID required to attend X Games in Aspen

Dec 17, 2021

Fans who wish to attend the Winter X Games in Aspen next month must present a vaccination card and government identification to be admitted.

The event area will be fenced off from the Buttermilk Ski area to keep the unvaccinated separate from those who are less likely to die or be hospitalized because they’ve been vaccinated.

No word on whether vaccinated athletes will also have to wear masks while performing stunts like this. Outdoors. Away from everyone. 

Pitkin County Commissioner Steve Child also welcomed the news from ESPN those noisy snowmobile events have been canceled because of COVID.

It was never explained why COVID is risker during snowmobiling events than skiing events.

But while they were on the subject, commissioners told ESPN they wanted the network to offset the footprint of all those people who travel to Aspen by plane and automobile for the event and make the X Games carbon neutral. 

You see, it’s extremely important to the drunk and stoned wealthy elitists who attend these extreme sporting events that they lord over us dullards with how virtuous they are in keeping the planet safe and hospitals free from COVID patients with their vaccine cards, government IDs, and carbon neutral private jets.

To ensure it truly is carbon neutral, we would suggest attendees should ditch their ski jackets or any apparel made from petroleum, ski wax, any plastic product which requires energy to produce, no cell phones, computers, or any electronic used with rare Earth mined minerals. They should also avoid electricity or heat powered by anything but wind and sun, and avoid recharging electric vehicle with power fueled by anything other than wind or sun.

Attendee should not say in any lodge, hotel or rental constructed from any product produced with petroleum or heated with fossil fuels.

So unless you’re walking, camping, and vaccinated, best stay away from the X games.

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